How to Talk about Safe Sex

Some men, especially those older than 50 years of age, may not think using a condom is necessary with a woman who is past her childbearing years. They may not realize that condoms are still needed to prevent HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). It’s important to think about how you might respond if you're ever with a partner who doesn’t want to use a condom. Remember, you have a right to protect yourself and your health!

Have the condom talk before you start to have sex. When you’re in the mood for sex, it might be easy to have sex without a condom “just this once.” This is never a good idea.

Plan ahead and have condoms with you if you think you might want to have sex. Don't rely on your partner to have condoms—many older men don’t. A partner might have specific reasons for not wanting to use them. Look over this list for ideas about how to respond if you ever feel pressured to have sex without a condom:

“I don’t have AIDS! Don't you trust me?” 


“Of course I trust you, but anyone can have an STD and not even know it. Using a condom is a way to take care of both of us. I can’t catch something from you, and you can’t catch something from me.”

“You can’t get pregnant. Why do we need a condom?”

“That’s true, but anyone can have an STD and not even know it. Using a condom takes care of both of us. I can’t catch something from you, and you can’t catch something from me.”

“I hate sex with a condom. It doesn’t feel as good.”

“This is the only way I feel comfortable having sex. But believe me, we can still make it good even with protection We can focus on pleasing each other instead of worrying about all that other stuff.”

“I don’t have any condoms.”


“I have some, right here.”


“I don’t know how to use them.”


“I can show you – want me to put it on for you?”



“Let’s do it without a condom just this one time.”

“It only takes one time to get an STD. I just can’t have sex unless I know I'm as safe as I can be.”



“No one else makes me use a condom!”

“I won’t have sex without protection. I’m really into you. Let me show you how good it can be—even with a condom.”

“I refuse.”

“I like you, but I can’t go ahead without a condom. I’m sorry.”

Watch a video about how to use a condom from American Social Health Association.